Navigating the Fine Line Between Toxic Positivity and Constructive Hope in the Workplace
Photo by Tim Mossholder on Unsplash
Let's face it, work can be a rollercoaster of high-intensity emotions. From performance expectations to navigating clashes within your team, negative emotions are bound to surface. And in our quest to create a supportive work environment where positive emotions abound, sometimes the good intentions to foster a culture of joy don't quite land.
Because there is such a wide range of emotional skills at play in workplace settings, this is where we often see toxic positivity and constructive hope in sharp contrast.
But what exactly sets them apart, you ask?
Let’s review the classic traits of toxic positivity and constructive hope so that you are better equipped to identify and manage workplace scenarios where intense emotions can be present.
CAN TOXIC POSITIVITY CREATE A HEALTHY WORKPLACE ENVIRONMENT?
Here's the thing: forcing sunshine and rainbows onto every situation isn't helpful. It's like telling someone with a broken leg to "just walk it off!" So while your first inclination might be to put a positive spin on your colleague’s misfortune, you could be doing more harm than good.
Toxic positivity is a relentless focus on positive feelings while simultaneously invalidating one's negative emotions.
If we think of it in terms of Dr. Gloria Willcox's Feeling Wheel, toxic positivity wants to live permanently on the "joy" and "excited" sections, ignoring the strong emotions ("angry," "sad," or "scared") that someone might be feeling. As emotional creatures, this dismissal can be incredibly frustrating to some people. They might feel unheard and begin to experience more negative feelings about themself, the situation, or the other person which can lead to yet another emotional response. In high-stakes work environments, you can see how this forced ‘culture’ is often counterproductive.
A healthy company culture supports employee mental and emotional health, while toxic positivity denies anything outside of a positive emotional culture. And in their quest to develop a positive culture, I have seen companies do the opposite. They destroy their employees’ psychological safety by pushing #goodvibesonly. If your boss or colleagues react negatively toward you whenever you aren’t being outwardly joyful, in situations where showing positive emotions isn’t needed (or even appropriate), how are you supposed to feel safe to express any authentic emotional experiences? Just look at the myriad of feelings that exist and coexist and imagine being relegated to happy, cheery, joyful bright yellow Monday through Friday from 8am to 5pm week after week after week? Yea, I wouldn’t want that either. Not to mention I literally couldn’t do that.
CONSTRUCTIVE HOPE AND THE CONNECTION BETWEEN EMOTIONS
Now, constructive hope isn't about ignoring challenges either. It's about acknowledging the difficulty while also believing in the ability to overcome it. It's the "we can fix this" after a mistake and the "you've got this" before a presentation. It allows for the full spectrum of authentic emotions while focusing on moving forward. Next, we’ll take a look at some telltale signs that toxic positivity is afoot.
SPOTTING TOXIC POSITIVITY IN WORKPLACE CONVERSATIONS
I have to imagine we’ve all been there at some point or another - caught on one side of a conversation where you just can’t seem to see the other person’s perspective, or vice-versa. It calls into question our sense of belonging, in a way, when our colleagues, leaders and peers don’t get us.
Recently, a friend of mine told me about a time when she had started a business. Anticipating it would take months to get a steady flow of clients, she quickly became too overwhelmed by the interest in her services and turned to a friend for advice. Her friend said cheerily “At least you have a job. So many people are out of work right now. You should consider yourself lucky.” She did feel fortunate, of course, but she also felt tired and overworked. The hours she was keeping weren’t sustainable and she didn’t like the idea of turning clients away… so that ‘look on the bright side’ commentary did little to lift her spirits.
Let's dissect some other common struggles to see how toxic positivity is a lonely road to nowhere:
INDIVIDUAL CONTRIBUTOR PROMOTION BLUES
Toxic Positivity: "Hey, chin up! There will be other opportunities. Just think, more time for [insert random hobby]!" While this isn't necessarily the sentiment of a bad person, it highlights their lack of emotional intelligence skills. They ignored the individual contributor's intense emotions following the bad news, plus they missed the opportunity to provide constructive criticism.
Constructive Hope: "This one stings, but you have the skills and experience. Let's analyze your application and see where we can improve for next time." This acknowledges the negative emotions as part of the human experience offering actionable steps for growth.
EMPLOYEE PERFORMANCE AND INTERPERSONAL CONFLICTS
Toxic Positivity: "Don't worry, be happy! Everyone has disagreements, just let it go and move on." This brushes off the issue and likely leaves your colleague feeling like you either don’t understand or don’t care about how the scenario impacted them. Will they be seen as weak or overly emotional if they share with you that they are having a hard time with the outcome?
Constructive Hope: "I sense some tension. Is there something we need to address? We can work together to find a solution that works for everyone." This validates your colleague’s negative feelings and encourages a healthy dialogue.
Remember, the key is to create a space where all kinds of emotions are valid. People who feel comfortable expressing themselves, through positive and negative emotions, are more likely to be transparent, engaged and productive.
A SPECTRUM OF EMOTIONS AT WORK
It's important to remember that toxic positivity and constructive hope aren't absolute opposites; think of them as being on a spectrum. We all might slip into a bit of toxic positivity from time to time, especially when trying to be supportive. But the key is to be aware of it and course correct. Here are some tips:
Listen actively: Truly hear what someone is saying before responding.
Validate their feelings: Let them know their emotions are justified. And if you don’t know how they’re feeling, ask.
Offer support, not platitudes: Focus on actionable steps and solutions.
By creating work environments that encourage both celebration and commiseration, we're fostering an environment with freedom of emotional expression. Employees who feel supported are more likely to build a healthy sense of resiliency and bounce back from setbacks.
In a toxic positivity culture, on the other hand, "the unrelenting pressure and stress to discount their own experiences and be someone they aren’t can lead to feelings of burnout and letting the team and company down."¹
In my book², I share five additional tips on constructively handling toxic positivity at work from Elizabeth Derickson of TalkSpace:
Identify and accept your emotions
Give yourself time to experience your emotions, without judgment
Have a good support network
Realize that people may use toxic positivity as a form of avoidance because they’re uncomfortable with their own negative emotions
Don’t compare yourself to others³
PROMOTING MENTAL HEALTH AT WORK
It isn’t a new phenomenon that each workplace is (hopefully) working on how to get effective workplace communication RIGHT. So when it comes to understanding the difference between giving and receiving hope, versus greeting every situation and/or problem with a plastered on grin and unhelpful platitude, talk about an opportunity to get it right. With your newfound awareness of how to have more effective workplace conversations–the kind that validate and encourage one another– you can play a role in more productive and meaningful interactions. So, what do you say? Ready to ditch the toxic positivity and cultivate constructive hope at work, for you, and others? I’m hopeful you will!
DOES YOUR COMPANY PROMOTE TOXIC POSITIVITY?
Contact me and I would be happy to speak to your organization about the importance of having productive workplace mental health conversations and swapping toxic positivity for constructive hope. From keynote speeches to my tailored advising services for mental health corporate strategy, I’m here to support you.
³Derickson, E. How to Avoid Toxic Positivity, TalkSpace, November 2020. Retrieved from:https://www.facebook.com/Talkspacetherapy/photos/pcb.3775884692461989/3775884619128663
