Lonely “at the top”? How and why to talk about your mental health as a CEO.
CEOs are not superheroes, says Jason Saltzman 1. And he's right.
Sometimes, a lot of people forget that CEOs are people first, and their job title second. But that job title often brings unrealistic expectations that they have to be The Perfect Leader, Every Time, All The Time.
They’re frequently (if not always) expected to play by The Even-Keeled Flawless Leader Handbook. They can’t be “seen to” complain or struggle because that “supposedly” means they can’t remain at the helm (never mind even talking about mental health struggles).
Let me be blunt - this is all toxic bullsh*t.
Over the years, I’ve coached countless senior leaders. And they—believe it or not—cried, in private with me, about how stressed they were and how much they felt like they couldn’t talk about it to anyone in the company they led, for a whole variety of reasons. 2
The way I see it, the encouragement of leadership stoicism has become stale. It should belong in the past and have no place in our modern-day workplace.
Destigmatizing conversations about mental health challenges at work must start at the top, and the explicit permission to do it at the top does too. Not just for the entire organization, but also for the person leading it and starting that conversation.
It continues to boggle my mind that we continue to set and follow a precedent that as a chief executive (or any leader), that if you’re being self-aware about your struggles, talking about them (catharsis, a natural human need), and being responsible to get help - that it’s seen to be a bad or weak thing. The lack of logic is staggering, and yet, it endures, to this day.
So, let’s learn about why and how CEOs shouldn’t be lonely at the top, and actually talk about mental health.
As a CEO, the pressure is immense, expectations can be lofty, and stakes can be outrageous.
Think of the stress from the Big Problems they deal with and are solely responsible for in the organization, not even including their own personal struggles or potential mental health issues. And CEO’s often feel like they can’t talk about those struggles, at all, for fear of being seen as incapable of doing “the job”.
And to take it a step even further, apparently can’t be seen getting help because of “what it might mean”. If CEOs don’t feel they’re allowed to voice their struggles or that they’re trying to cope with them, how can they lead others without eventually going POP?
It's not uncommon for CEOs to experience anxiety, depression, and burnout that can be fueled by their job. But also it’s important for us to remember that there are plenty of people in executive positions who have pre-existing mental health conditions, some of which can be worsened by their role.
Even though the tides are changing, there is still a nasty stigma that exists around CEOs talking about their mental health struggles. In reality, when CEOs share their own mental health experiences, they are displaying strength, courage, and self-awareness. Which, the last time I checked, are great qualities for a leader to have.
THE STRESS CURVE AND LEADERSHIP
Having awareness of what your baseline looks like from a stress perspective is critical in any job, and especially as a leader of a business.
Per the Yerkes-Dodson Law, a.k.a. The Stress Curve, illustrates that while it’s ideal to strive for the Goldilocks Zone of stimulation and stress (i.e. you’re just stimulated enough where you’re focused, purposeful, and feeling good) - it’s often easy for folks in high-pressure jobs to slip into the red zone (i.e. welcome to Burnout Town).
Having an awareness of what your different zones look like is key, as well as thinking about what you need to do to take care of your mental health to stay out of the red (when possible). And, shocker, one of those things is talking about your mental health as a CEO, so you can also have the opportunity (just like others do) to let go and depressurize.
ROLE MODELING STRUGGLES AND SHOWING THE HUMANITY OF LEADERSHIP
As a CEO, you have a unique position of power and influence in your organization. By opening up about your own struggles, you can demonstrate your own openness and literal humanity.
This can help to humanize you in the eyes of your leaders and employees. Your team members take their cues from you, their leader. If you want them to be accountable for their own mental health challenges, first, you must show them the way.
Look at it as an opportunity. It’s an occasion for you to normalize the struggles in leadership roles. Every leader struggles, and it’s time that people acknowledge it, instead of continuing to pretend like leaders “should be above it all.”
It’s also an opportunity to educate your employees about why it’s difficult to talk about from your position. You can impart the knowledge and responsibilities of your role, and how being a leader and the “trappings” that can come with it doesn’t always equate to peace and happiness.
HOW TO TALK ABOUT MENTAL HEALTH AS A CEO
I understand this is a wayyyyyy overused metaphor, but it’s just so accurate:
the oxygen mask. CEOs must put on their own oxygen masks before helping others. 3
This is the way CEOs can contribute to transforming their workplace culture (even the former head of Hearst Australia agrees).
There are a lot of things that can be recommended here, so I’m going to keep it short and sweet and just give you five. Everything you’ve learned about how to encourage mental health discussions at work applies to you, even as the CEO:
Be honest with yourself. Are YOU ready to talk about mental health at work? 4 You must choose when, how, and with whom you want to share it.
Be constructive in your approach. Picking the right time and place, highlighting your goal and reasons, and explaining your concerns—are all essential for a constructive conversation about mental health. 5
3. If your company has a valuable resource (like in-house counseling or Employee Assistance Program), use it. This way, you can get help for yourself and then spread the word to other employees that these mental health services are becoming more common and can be advantageous. Role modeling is incredibly important here, especially since the EAP is one of the most misunderstood and underutilized resources for mental health in the workplace. If people see their own CEO using it, that’s a huge deal.
4. Establish your Mental Well-Being Non-Negotiables™. The wellness industry has a lot of ideas about what constitutes “self-care.” But not everything works for everyone. The way you cope as a leader and do things that make you feel good may be different from other people. So, don’t force yourself to do what everyone else does, and find out what works for you.
5. Be a voice in a future Town Hall. Many companies these days hold open sessions to promote mental health awareness, involving workers of all levels in an organization. That means you, as a CEO, are included and that it's okay—and even encouraged—to share YOUR struggles. Being honest as a CEO, and talking candidly about your own experiences and how you manage your stress levels with your Mental Wellbeing Non-Negotiables™, will help others understand that mental health struggles are normal. And that managing them is a healthy behavior. If you show them you're willing to talk about it as a CEO, more employees may be inspired to do the same. So, open up and get comfortable sharing with others. It's a brilliant chance to be a good role model for others in the company.
WHAT IF MY EMPLOYEES, OR THE BOARD, START TO DOUBT ME?
We may always want a positive outcome, but we don’t always get what we want.
Even if you start a conversation about mental health and don’t get the response you want, don’t despair.
Your employees and higher-ups alike may have a less-than-ideal response to you starting a mental health discussion. If that happens, follow the tips I summarized from my book below:
Keep an open mind. Is someone being dismissive? They may have other stuff going on in their lives completely unrelated to you. Or, maybe they feel uncomfortable for personal reasons unconnected to you. Check in with them to see why they behave that way. Their indifference or negative response may signal their ignorance on the topic. Ask for their understanding and compassion while treating you the same way.
Don’t crumble and stay positive. I gave this tip in my book to address what happens when someone betrays your confidence about your confidential mental health discussion. But it also works for CEOs expecting the trust of board members or team members. If they start showing signs of distrust, don’t give up and stay positive. Remember, you're not at fault here; it’s their issue for not being able to trust you. If this bothers you, talk to someone you can trust.
Escalate the issue. If you’ve hit a level of discomfort at work about sharing your mental health struggles as a CEO, and you end up being unable to cope, it’s time to involve a relevant party. I’m conscious that being the CEO, in this situation, would be potentially challenging, but even the person at the top needs to have an advocate.
And my last piece of guidance is a direct quote from my book: Own your story, normalize the topic, and don’t act as if you have anything to be ashamed of. 6
CONCLUSION: MENTAL HEALTH—IT’S NOT JUST FOR EMPLOYEES
Don't get caught up in thinking your leadership stoicism is a sign of strength. Even CEOs need to talk about their mental health to release their pressure and stress. It's also how CEOs can help destigmatize mental health conversations at work and show their empathy.
So, practice what you preach. Don't just tell employees they must take care of their mental health and talk about it. CEOs must do it as well—in fact, they must do it first and become role models to encourage this behavior.
"Leading by example" is not just an adage that people repeat. It's something concrete that you can do as a CEO. Don't struggle alone at the top; you should have never had to, and you don’t need to anymore.
Book a workshop or keynote about leadership mental health with Melissa to learn how it can help the entire organization.
Sources: 1,2,3,4,5,6: Doman, Melissa. Yes, You Can Talk about Mental Health at Work: Here's Why ... and How to Do It Really Well. Welbeck Publishing Group, 2021.
