How to Talk to Your Manager About Unrealistic Expectations At Work.
I’m sure when you read the title of this article, you probably thought to yourself something sounding like, “Pfft yeah right, not even possible” or “My heart would fall out of my butt if I did that.”
Aside from the unique phrasing of the latter quote, did I get close to the sentiment?
Not that you probably need any, but Buzzfeed can show you some staggering examples of unrealistic attitudes and demands from higher-ups in case you want to have your jaw drop even more so than you thought it could.
A lot of us are already really stressed at work (44% of workers globally feel stressed, a lot, says the 2022 Gallup report). And, naturally, facing unrealistic expectations at work can potentially trigger a whole smorgasbord of emotional health issues.
Stress, anxiety, imposter syndrome, and self-doubt are just a few things on the list. Then, at the top, there's "on-the-job stress" which doesn’t do any favors for your performance and productivity levels.
So, what can you realistically do to address unrealistic expectations that are placed on you at work? In this work climate, is that even possible? Yes, you can have these conversations. No, you can’t guarantee the outcome. But, you can assess if the expectations are indeed unrealistic, decide what you’re prepared to do about that, and how.
You can learn how to talk to your employer about unrealistic work expectations.
Only you can speak up for you. While it can be intimidating to speak to your manager about these unrealistic expectations, it has to be done. So, let’s take a look at where to start. It may be daunting, but it's worth it.
IS IT YOU… OR IS IT YOUR BOSS?
If I lit a fire under your tush to go talk to your boss, great! But wait! Before you go off running to your boss to talk about this, start by asking yourself the following questions to see if the discussion is even warranted:
✓ Are there requests or assignments that are waaaaay outside your job description?
✓ Does your boss require you to spend excessive effort without providing adequate resources?
✓ Does your boss ask for extra reporting that never even gets read?
✓ Does a word of praise never come your way even when you accomplished a Herculean labor in an unreasonably short time?
If you checked one (or all) of those boxes, then it’s likely your boss is putting unrealistic expectations on you.
BUT it’s also important to ask yourself: are their expectations unrealistic or does their ask just feel too big. And if it’s the latter, why? In other words, is it YOU, or is it the GIG?
FIND OUT THE CAUSES
Before you start any finger pointing (and please don’t do that because it’s a behavior that rarely, if ever, gets anyone onside to your cause), we need to look at the different causes that may breed unrealistic expectations to begin with (and not just because your boss is potentially inconsiderate or dispassionate). Consider the following that might be happening:
Being short-staffed
Unexpected changes to project plans
Your boss being pressure by their boss or other stakeholders
Unpredictable third-party influences
Economic or financial pressures on the company
Shareholder pressure
There may be reasons you’re not aware of why the demands of your job may be changing (although if you’re not aware of these reasons there may be a larger issue around communication transparency that needs to be addressed too).
But the moral of the story here is that even if your boss has the best of intentions, even if they have things coming at them that are out of their control or influence that they can’t ‘shield’ you from.
HOW TO TALK WITH YOUR MANAGER ABOUT SHIFTING EXPECTATIONS
If you've established that the expectations placed on you at work may be unrealistic, and you feel it’s unsustainable and needs to be addressed - it’s time to do something about it. Breathe.
Check out some of these pointers.
MAKE A LIST OF TALKING POINTS
A list helps organize your thoughts before you talk to your boss or manager. Jot down the following:
Reasons why you think you're unable to meet the unreasonable demands
What do you currently have on your plate to show why a change in expectations isn't going to work out
How the new assignments will impact your current responsibilities
With this list, you can have a coherent plan of what tasks you feel are beyond your scope of work so you can discuss, without hesitation or excuses, why the new demand isn’t working out for you.
FORM A PLAN AND OFFER SOLUTIONS
If the unrealistic demand being placed on you is directly related to your company's actual situation, you should devise a plan and possible solutions.
Are there colleagues you can loop in to help?
Can another department take over some or all of the assignments?
Can you outsource the assignment?
A plan allows your manager to see that your refusal to meet the demand comes not from laziness or disinterest, but a genuine desire to contribute in a meaningful and sustainable way.
IT’S NOT JUST WHAT YOU SAY - BUT HOW YOU SAY IT
Saying "No, I can't/won't do this" with no context or alternative plan isn’t helpful or realistic in these scenarios. Yes, I understand that “no” is a complete sentence, but when it comes to having these conversations with your boss and trying to change what’s expected of you at work - that scenario doesn’t really apply here.
Instead, show you're still willing to help with the assignment but that meeting their expectations is too demanding on you and that there’s another way.
How about:
"Thanks for trusting me with this, but there's a lot going on right now. Can we talk more about it?"
"To get the best result for this, I'll get on it when I'm back at work/when I have more time/when I've completed my current responsibilities."
"I'm sorry, but I don't think I can help out on this because I have other responsibilities. Can I suggest someone else for the assignment?"
SET BOUNDARIES — IT'S IMPORTANT!
Having healthy boundaries at work will allow you to work how you want to achieve mutual benefits for everyone. It doesn't mean taking anyone else's responsibility and dealing with them yourself.
Poor boundaries mean you sacrifice your own needs, leading to raised expectations that become unrealistic, resulting in people abusing your boundaries more. Ever heard of the paradoxical saying “if you want something done, give it to a busy person?”
Psychologically, that may be true, but not when that busy person is stretched too thin. Busy people need a break, too, and they can’t keep going on without reasonable boundaries!
Before it becomes an endless cycle, if you start to feel overwhelmed by unrealistic expectations of your job, speak up. Examine your work needs first before considering others. Then communicate your needs and expectations to reach an agreement for the greater good.
WHAT TO DO WHEN THE UNREALISTIC DOESN'T BECOME REALISTIC
Sometimes it's no surprise that the unrealistic doesn't become more realistic. Perhaps your role is just too crucial, or the company can’t afford other alternatives. Or, maybe your boss is just a butthead who doesn't care.
Going into the conversation, you should make a plan of action on what to do next if your requests aren’t met. If you’re constantly stressing out too much at work, it may be time to re-evaluate. Maybe it’s time for a career change if you can afford to do that. No job is worth your mental health - that price is too high.
Go back to the earlier section where I talked about making plans. Having an alternative plan also means considering what you should do when your talk doesn't yield the desired result. Be prepared for any contingency.
CONCLUSION
Clear communication is the key to managing unrealistic expectations at work.
Having a solid plan before you talk and after the talk happens is also critical. Knowing your ask, knowing the alternative solutions, and the actions you’re prepared to take depending on the outcome. It’s your responsibility to be prepared.
Don’t be afraid to speak up for yourself. If one of your supervisor's requests causes you to feel overburdened, it’s your job to articulate the reasons why you believe the expectation to be unreasonable.
And, talking about unrealistic expectations can be the start of a bigger conversation about workforce burnout. It's a conversation that every organization should have to some degree, and speaking up for yourself could inspire others to do the same.
Book a session with Melissa to learn more about the Stress Footprint, Realistically Managing Stress, or team collaboration.
